your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize