booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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