Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
