Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
