no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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