Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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