I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
