I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
