It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize