Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
