i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
