his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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