plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
