I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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