i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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