literally had 100 drinks last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't notice because vodka
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
