I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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