We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
