I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're like the curious george of whores
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Rumble strips road head = magical
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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