if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
