Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
