I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
