Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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