where am i from again
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize