she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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