That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
