I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
