Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
