my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
