WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
