I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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