i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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