I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
