dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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