He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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