# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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