I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize