i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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