I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
