why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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