just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
