on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
