I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
