He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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