Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
