I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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