we have pet lesbian snakes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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