After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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