Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
