We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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