Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize