i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize