I just made out with a guy for $7.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
