k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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