Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Text me some of your sweat
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