I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize