girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
