I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
