i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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