So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize