she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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