i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
