in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
